The Negaverse Strikes Back
by Rei Helen
Summary: After the close of Helter Skelter, Mellotron finds a new ally with whom he can wreak havoc on the world, and the former Negaverse Generals decide to form a band. Meanwhile, Beryl has recruited Klausite and Steveite to assist in her evil plans.....
1. Chapter One - Grease!

  
Part one--**Grease!**  


Scene opens in the lair of Mellotron. He is looking into new evil. If you didn't know by now, Mellotron is a wimp and can't do anything by himself. Well, himselves.

"Well, well, well. What have we here?" He looked into his crystal ball, into a big stadium, where a guy was singing and strumming an acoustic guitar. He wore a big, silly-looking hat. He sang a really long note and began to cross his eyes. "Garth Brooks, eh?"

"Yes. He'll do well to carry out our evil plan."

"But he's only one person! All five Spice Girls could not defeat Sailor Moon!"

"That was because Malachite helped her. With Zoisite in our possession, he will do nothing to stop us!" More evil laughter.

Malachite stood up, brushed himself off. "Well, Zoisite, we should be getting back to the Negaverse now."

Zoisite giggled. "One problem with that," she said.

"What?"

"You just saved Sailor Moon! Amnesia or not, Queen Beryl would kill you!"

"Oh." Malachite looked disappointed. "I'm gonna miss you all, when you go back..." he said sadly.

"Are you crazy? I quit!" Jadeite said.

"Yeah, and I wouldn't go back if you begged me to!" added Nephlyte.

"I wouldn't leave you, Malachite," Zoisite whispered.

"Really?" asked Malachite.

"Of course!" She hugged him.

"Awwwww..." everyone else said.

"Let's go get some more popcorn! I'm starving!" Chad said.

"And now we can see a real movie," Mina said to Jadeite.

"There's a special showing of Grease at the drive in tonight!" Lita said. "I love that movie!"

"Grease?" Malachite was confused. "What's Grease?"

"It's only the best movie ever made!!!" Lita yelled. "Let's all go see it! Please please please?"

"Why not?" Darien asked.

"I bet Molly would want to come," Nephlyte said thoughtfully.

"Huh?" Malachite said.

"Not you," Zoisite replied. They went back to whispering sweet nothings.

"I've never been to a drive in theater! Can I go?" asked Rini. All of a sudden everyone was talking at once, and it got so annoying Lita couldn't stand it. They were never going to get to the movie in time that way!

"QUIET!!!!!!" she yelled. Everything got quiet, except Serena.

"You see, Rini, when a man and a woman love each other very much..." She blushed and got a sweatdrop. "Oh."

"Okay, I have a couple of questions! First, when are we gonna meet? Second, how are we gonna get there? Third, when are we going to go home?" Lita yelled, now that she had their attention.

"I'm riding with Malachite," Zoisite announced.

"Why thank you, love!" Malachite replied.

"Any time, pumpkin!" They would have gone on longer if Lita hadn't cleared her throat menacingly in their direction.

"Okay. Who wants to ride with Malachite and Zoisite?" There were no volunteers.

"Chad's giving me a ride, _aren't you, Chad_?" said Raye.

"Uh...yeah! Whatever you say, Raye! Now let's go get some popcorn!" They ran out of the theater.

"I wonder if you're going to have to pay for that, Zoisite," Jadeite said, looking up at the broken window.

"Oh." Zoisite got a sweatdrop.

"I'll pay it!" Malachite said sweetly.

"No way! I'll pay for it!"

"You don't have to, sweetie! I--"

Nephlyte and Jadeite giggled. Zoisite and Malachite were back to normal. They turned their backs on each other and crossed their arms.

"See if I ride with you," Zoisite yelled.

"Like I'd want you in my car!" Malachite replied.

"Those two sure know how to stay the center of attention," muttered Jadeite.

"Who needs a car? You should go white water rafting without a raft!" Zoisite sneered.

"Shut up! You just wanna see me in a wetsuit!"

"Ooh..." Zoisite closed her eyes and smiled dreamily. Malachite slapped her, bit DiC edited it out. "Hey! You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..."

Malachite looked at Jadeite and Nephlyte, who were giggling. "You must admit you'd look pretty funny in it..."

"This isn't funny!" Malachite yelled, which started everyone laughing.

"It's okay, honey-pumpkin," Zoisite whispered, the fight forgotten.

"IS ANYONE LISTENING TO ME!?!?" Lita yelled. Everyone shut up. "Since none of you can make up your minds, I say that we're going to meet at the drive in at eight, so we can get good spots all next to each other. The movie starts at nine. I'm getting a ride with Chad and Raye, the rest of you can figure that out for yourselves. Now, I am going home!" Lita left.

"What do you mean, they've all deserted?" demanded Queen Beryl.

"I mean they left!" Klausite said. "But I brought someone who can help us. His name is Steve."

"Hi," Steve said, looking up from the corner he was hiding in.

"Go have him fitted for a uniform," Beryl snapped.

"Uh...the tailor deserted, too."

"Then...uh...hmm..." Beryl was confused. "How many of those uniforms you're wearing do you have?"

"These? Tons!" Steve said, looking down at his movie theater uniform. The shirt was 

white with red sleeves, the pants white, and he had a little hat that said "Steve's Theater." The words were also also embroidered on his shirt, in red.

"I want you two to rip all of them out where they say Steve's Theater, and sew patches on the hats and shirts that say, 'Negaverse'. They will be the new official uniform for the Negaverse."

"Just like old times, huh?" Malachite said. All four generals were in Jadeite's apartment. Nephlyte had his head in the refrigerator. Jadeite's eyes were glued to Green Acres on the TV. Malachite was listening to his walkman, and Zoisite was in the bathroom.

"A little too much like them," Nephlyte said, coming out of the kitchen with a sandwich.

"Man, that's a big sandwich," Malachite said.

"I'm a growing boy," Nephlyte replied, sitting on the floor in front of the TV.

"Hey, move it," Jadeite said. "You're in my way!"

Zoisite came out of the bathroom. "Hi Jadeite, Nephlyte, MALLY!" She ran to Malachite and they started whispering mushy stuff to each other.

"I motion that Malachite and Zoisite get their own apartment," Jadeite said.

"I second the motion," Nephlyte agreed.

"I get it! You don't want us around any more!" Zoisite said.

"You catch on quickly."

"So, I take it you want to be alone?" Malachite said evilly.

"No, we want you to," Nephlyte replied quickly.

"You must admit it's getting a little crowded in here..."Jadeite said.

"We don't mind being close," Zoisite said.

"WE KNOW!!!"

"You're late," Lita told Darien and Serena. Serena shrugged and stuck her tongue out. She had used disguise power on Darien's car to make it a convertible. The movie was just starting. Jadeite and Mina were in the front seat of his red BMW convertible. Well, it wasn't actually his, it was really his cousin Bill's, but Mina didn't have to know. Ami and Greg had ridden bikes, telling their friends that the money they could spend on a fancy car would be better spent on books and they'd rather get some exercise anyway. Malachite also had a convertible, but it looked as if it had been around when the movie Grease was made. It was the same color as his hair, though, so that was cool.

Lita was singing along with all the songs, but when Chad decided to sing too, Raye slapped them both. Things were otherwise uneventful (other than Malachite and Zoisite's two minute argument about who got the last piece of popcorn) until the last song of the movie. Rini was asleep on Darien's lap, but she woke up when Grease disappeared and Garth Brooks appeared on the screen.

"Hahahaha..." TWANG! He began strumming a guitar. People began driving away like it was a scene from an old horror movie. Soon it was just the Sailor Scouts, their boyfriends, and the ex-Negaverse generals.

Nephlyte ran to the projector room. "It won't turn off!" he yelled. The sailors transformed. Sailor Mars used her fire to burn down the screen, but the country music continued.

"It's no use," Sailor Moon said. "Let's get out of here!" They drove away, but the music was playing everywhere.

"I always wanted to do a chase scene!" Chad yelled.

Raye got an idea. "Chad, sing," she said.

"Hey, but I thought..."

"Just sing!"

"Uh...okay!" He began to sing "You're the One That I Want" at the top of his lungs. The Sailors and co. joined in, then the people in cars near them. In a matter of moments, the entire world was singing songs from Grease. Garth Brooks was no match for this, and the country music stopped.

"You saved us!" Everyone was hugging Chad and giving him high fives as they parked by the temple.

"Uh...yeah, I guess I did! Pretty cool, huh?"

"Very cool." Raye kissed him.

"I wonder if this has something to do with Mellotron," Ami said thoughtfully. "Since the Negaverse hasn't been up to much with all of you gone..."

"They still have one general," Nephlyte said. "That is, if I'm not mistaken."

"Klausite wouldn't be doing this," Malachite said. "He'd choose someone cuter."

"Like Trent Reznor?" suggested Zoisite.

"Ooh, Trent..." Malachite sighed, with a dreamy smile on his face. Both Malachite and Zoisite had a crush on him--which, when you think about it, was a little scary...

"He's so dreamy..." Zoisite added. "Not as dreamy as you, though, Malachite..."

"Huh! What?!" Jadeite said.

"Go back to sleep, Jeddy," Mina said. "It's past your bedtime..."

"Yeah, I guess we should all go home...before your parents kill us for keeping you out this late," Nephlyte admitted. "I can give you a ride, Lita, if you want it."

"Thanks Nephlyte, I'll take you up on that." Lita sat behind Molly, who was already asleep.

"I don't think Jadeite is in much shape to drive," Mina said, shaking him.

"Oh, Mommy, I don't wanna go to school..." He whined, turning over and resting his head on the window.

"Oh, duh! Why didn't I think of that before?" Malachite pointed at Jadeite and he disappeared.

"What'd you do to him?!?!" Mina gasped.

"I put him in his apartment," Malachite replied. "And now we're going back to our apartment...right Zoisite?" No response. "Uh, Zoisite?"

"Trent..." She sighed in her sleep. Malachite got a sweatdrop.

Steveite and Klausite were handing out the new uniforms. Though not as darkly stylish as the old ones, they sure made an impression. Even Queen Beryl had taken one--though the hat hadn't quite fit over her weird crown.

"Nice! I applaud you, Steveite. Now, we have work to do. About those Scouts . . ." Queen Beryl looked to Klausite and Steveite.

"We have a plan for them. But must we hurt Tuxedo Mask? He's so CUTE!" Klausite said.

"Tuxedo Mask? I hadn't even thought of him! No doubt he'll save Sailor Moon and her friends!" Steveite cried. "We must create a diversion."

"But does he have a weakness? Queen Beryl?" Klausite asked.

"His only weakness is Sailor Moon. Many years ago, Zoisite pretended to be Sailor Moon and tricked him, but with Zoisite gone . . . wait! Klausite, let me check your size." Queen Beryl held a Sailor outfit up to Klausite. "Perfect . . ." she growled. Klausite and Steveite exchanged looks.


	2. Chapter Two - Rock'n'Roll Star

Part Two—Rock'n'Roll Star

"Maxfield!" Molly cried. She was shopping at K-Mart and had run into her love. Her "Love" was shopping with Jadeite. If there was one thing Jadeite hated, it was Molly's voice.

"Oh, hello, Molly. You look lovely this morning!" Nephlyte exclaimed.

"Oh, Maxfield, you always say that! So, how are you?" He and Molly stood by the freezer section as Jadeite looked at canned orange juice. 

Meanwhile, in another part of K-Mart . . .

"Blue!!" Zoisite screeched.

"Black!!" Malachite growled. 

"BLUE!!"

"BLACK!!"

"**_BLUE!!!_**"

"**_BLACK!!_**" Malachite and Zoisite were arguing over which color of Tupperware to get. So far, neither was winning.

"Idea! Why not get both?" an employee said. Simultaneously, Malachite and Zoisite turned and blasted him. They resumed arguing. Zoisite zoied Malachite and frizzed his hair.

"THAT'S IT! For that, Zoisite, you're gonna pay!" Malachite got out a huge feather and started to tickle Zoisite.

"Malachite, um, shouldn't you save that for later? This isn't the place, nor the time," Zoisite giggled. The DiC editors struck down.

"SUGGESTIVE PHRASE!! CUT! CUT!" 

"Oh, shut UP!" Zoisite cried. "ZOI!!!" she yelled, striking down the editors. Malachite put a dome around them, and it began to shrink. He and Zoisite walked off, leaving them there. 

"Help us!!" the editors yelled, but no one could hear, for the dome was practically nothing.

"Well, Zoisite, let's not get the Tupperware, hmm?" Malachite suggested. A little teamwork with Zoisite could always stop a fight.

"All right, Mal. We don't need it. Now how about tablecloths, hmm? Do we need any of those? No, we don't. Lawn furniture? Why DID we come here, Mally?" Zoisite asked. Malachite shrugged and they went to find Jadeite and Nephlyte . . .

. . . who happened to be still in the freezer section. 

"But you really DO look lovely today!" Nephlyte laughed.

"If you insist, Maxfield. Oh! I'm sorry! You wanted me to call you Nephlyte! All right Neffy!" Molly giggled. Jadeite cringed. "Neffy" stuck his tongue out. 

"There you are! Hi, Molly," Zoisite said. "How are you two little lovebirds, eh?" 

"Quit meddling, Zoey," Malachite told her. She sulked.

"Now, you know tormenting people is something I'm good at!" Zoisite protested.

"And that's about it," Nephlyte muttered. Zoisite gave him an evil look.

"You're sure one to talk about being lovebirds!" Jadeite laughed.

"What do you mean by that?" Zoisite asked innocently. Jadeite got a sweatdrop.

"Well, we're ready to leave when you--"

"Hey, Zoisite, putting on a little weight?" laughed Nephlyte.

"I, uh, guess you could say that..." Zoisite said, blushing.

"That's why you had that book! You're pregnant! Am I right?" Jadeite said.

"Yeah." Zoisite blushed even redder.

"Congratulations! D'you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Nephlyte asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's one or the other..."

"Somehow I can't picture you as a father..." Jadeite told Malachite, then shrugged. "I guess there's a first time for everything."

"Why didn't you tell us before? It's not like you thought you could hide it forever," Nephlyte said.

"Huh? I can't?" Zoisite sighed. Even Malachite giggled at that.

"It's not impossible, I guess, but it would be very, very difficult..." he said.

"They should've redubbed _you_ as a girl. You're the one who knows about this stuff," Zoisite said. Then she gasped. "Since we got rid of _them_, do I go back to being a guy now? I mean, I kinda liked being a girl..."

"Only if someone goes to the effort of changing you again, which would be rather difficult considering...uh..." Malachite cleared his throat. "Yeah. So I guess not."

"Though I did kinda enjoy the looks people gave me when I wore a skirt, or..."

"Spare us, Zoisite," Jadeite gagged.

A girl walked up to Malachite. "Cool hair, man. Where'd you get the dye?"

"Huh?" Malachite looked at her strangely.

"The hair dye, man. To get it all cool like that." She put her hands on her hips, raising a pierced eyebrow.

"I don't use hair dye! Ruin my hair? No way."

"Y'mean it's just naturally like that? Oh, how groovy!"

"Thanks," Malachite smiled charmingly, and Zoisite began broiling.

"He's mine," she snapped, holding onto his arm.

The girl laughed. "I don't want him, I just like his hair! Well, my name's Kate. Look me up if you're ever at the arcade." She walked away.

"Did you have to flirt with her like that?" hissed Zoisite.

"I can't help it if I have admirers!" He touched his hair. "Though, considering my impeccable style, you'd think I should at least have an official fan club..."

"There probably is one, somewhere online," Jadeite sighed. "I wish _I_ had a fan club."

"I thought that was Mina . . ." Zoisite said, laughing wildly. She fell to the floor, rolling with laughter.

"I don't know her," Malachite said, edging away. 

"Oh yes you do, silly! I'm your wife!" She attached herself to him. Feeling that it was absolutely necessary, he blasted her. She shook her head rapidly and zoied him. He made an impolite hand gesture and walked away to find a bathroom to brush his hair in.

"Do they always fight like this?" Molly asked Nephlyte, while Zoisite stomped away in the other direction.

"All the time..." sighed Nephlyte.

In his Sailor Moon costume, Klausite burst into K-Mart. "Can I help you?" asked a polite employee.

"I do not need your help!" he yelled. "I'm SAILOR MOON!"

"That's nice. Nautical supplies are in aisle twelve."

"Huh? Aren't there crimes being committed? Honesty and liberty being suppressed?"

"You can find crime novels in aisle nineteen, cough suppressants in aisle six, and movies in the video department! Have a nice day!" The polite employee left.

"Sheesh. It's so hard to find good crime scenes these days. Well, I could go pick up the latest Seventeen..." Klaus pranced towards the magazines.

Klausite was checking out YM when a really hot guy walked into the magazine aisle. "Malachite that frickin idiot of a..." he was muttering, and he picked up a Rolling Stone magazine.

"Hey, man," Klausite said.

"Leave me alone you--" Zoisite looked up. "Sailor Moon? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Shopping, waiting for something bad to happen so I can stop it, you know the drill."

"Try aisle seven. My boyfriend--well, husband--is being a dork."

"Excuse me--you're a girl?" Klausite looked confused.

"You knew that, didn't you? Malachite's the bi one," Zoisite explained.

"Oh! Uh, yeah, whatever. See you round, uh, whatever your name is."

"Is something wrong? You're even more ditzy than your usual self."

"No! Uh, something bad is happening! See you later! Bye!" Klausite ran.

Zoisite got suspicious and shouted "Zoi!" Klausite froze in his tracks. 

"You're not really Sailor Moon!" someone shouted behind her. It was Serena and her friends. Serena ran up to pull on Klausite's face, and his rubber mask came off.

"Klausite! So it was you behind the ghosts at the amusement park!" Raye accused.

"And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you darn kids!" He looked at Chad, who was reading a guitar magazine. "Though Shaggy over there is pretty cute..."

"You can't refer to him as Shaggy! Mars...fire..." Sailor Mars pointed.

"Yipe! I was just on my way out..." Klausite vanished.

"You must admit he is pretty scruffy looking..." said Sailor Jupiter.

"Hey! Who're you calling scruffy looking?" Chad asked.

"Nerfherder."

"No fair! Tuxedo Mask didn't even show up!" Klausite whined.

"You weren't in trouble, Klausite. Though I supposed if I tried the same trick Zoisite and Malachite did, everyone would think that the authors had no fresh ideas and the story sucked. So I have to think of something new. This may take a while..."

Two hours later, Queen Beryl had an idea. "Klausite!"

Klausite awoke from his doze. "Huh? What?"

"We're going to make Tuxedo Mask think that Sailor Moon has another guy. Get Steveite and go put on your Sailor Moon costume!"

"Zoisite, I already told you I'm sorry," Malachite said.

"And I already told you I'm not speaking to you."

"But you just did!" They were arguing outside of their apartment--which just happened to be next to Jadeite and Nephlyte's.

"I have to tell you I'm not speaking to you, or you wouldn't know."

"But if you already told me you're not speaking to me, why do you keep saying it?"

"You need reminders." She unlocked the door and walked inside.

"Are you going to start speaking to me again?"

"When you apologize."

"But I already did apologize!"

"You haven't apologized well enough yet..."

"What do you want me to _do_?" Malachite cried, exasperated.

Zoisite smiled. "I feel so powerful..." She opened up the refrigerator and took out a bottle of Evian. "Okay, uh, get down on your knees and balance an encyclopedia on your head."

"We don't have an encyclopedia," Malachite protested.

"This isn't working." Zoisite sipped her Evian. "Get down on one knee. It looks better."

"Okay, happy?" Malachite asked, shifting. Zoisite giggled.

"Yeah. Now I get to pour orange juice on your head."

"No way!" Malachite jumped away. "And you've already started speaking to me," he said smugly.

"I have not!" Zoisite yelled, turning her back on him.

Malachite sighed. "Have it your way. You always do."

"I know." She giggled again.

"You're lucky you're so beautiful."

"I'm still not speaking to you, Malachite."

The door to their apartment flew off its hinges, shattering on the television.

"You could knock!" Malachite yelled. Nephlyte ran into the room.

"Hey, guys, I just had this really great idea!" he said.

"What?" Zoisite yelled.

"We should start a band!"

Darien skipped down the street, realised he was skipping, blushed, and started walking normally. _Hey, that looks like Serena!_ He shook his head. That skirt was awfully short, even for Serena. And she was walking with a guy...

Serena didn't normally prance around in her Sailor Moon outfit, so Darien figured it was just some fan and didn't give her a second look. He walked into the arcade. Some guy was playing "Blackbird" on his guitar, and people had stopped playing games to watch.

"Man, he's really good," Darien said to Andrew.

"Yeah, his name's Jake. He's started hanging out here, and it's really good for business." Jake finished playing, and Darien walked up to him.

"Hey, that was great!" he said. Jake looked up, at something past Darien's shoulder. He looked spacey and, well, stoned.

"What?" he asked slowly.

"You're a really good guitarist," Darien said slowly.

"Oh. Thanks man."

"He's been playing for six years, since he was twelve," said a voice. Darien looked up to see the speaker--a girl with a wavy black ponytail and an eyebrow ring.

"Hi, Kate," Andrew said. "Kate, meet Darien. Darien, Kate. She's Jake's sister."

"Hello, Darien," Kate said, shaking his hand and thinking _Darien--where have I heard that name?_

"But Nephlyte, none of us can play anything, we can't sing, we can't write music--what the hell are you talking about?" Zoisite demanded.

"But at least some of us look good, and we can always learn three chords! We're perfect for the job!"

"I know we're good looking, but why do you want to join, Nephlyte?" asked Malachite, putting an arm around Zoisite. She turned around.

"How good d'you think you'll look with an ice crystal--"

"Hey!" Malachite jumped away.

"Guys, guys, don't hurt each other. Can't we all just get along?" Nephlyte said. Zoisite grinned.

"I wouldn't hurt him anywhere obvious," she said, tossing an ice crystal causally with her right hand. "But he'd make an even nicer girl than I do."

Malachite squeaked and turned pale. He pulled his cape around himself and backed away.

"You're wrong on one thing, Nephlyte," Jadeite said from the doorway. "One of us does play an instrument."

"Really? Who? What instrument?" Nephlyte asked.

Jadeite blushed and muttered something.

"What, Jadeite?"

"I play the accordion," he said, just barely audible. This started Malachite, Nephlyte and Zoisite all laughing hysterically. Jadeite got a big sweatdrop. Then he realised something. He pulled the sweatdrop off his forehead and stuck it on Nephlyte's.

"What'd you do that for?" Nephlyte demanded.

"Because I could." Jadeite stuck out his tongue. "And I'm really good at the accordion, so just shut up, okay!?"

Malachite was still giggling. "I...just got...the funniest image," he gasped. "Jadeite...in liederhosen...and..." He couldn't say any more without bursting into laughter, but what he said was enough to start Nephlyte and Zoisite again. Jadeite took the sweatdrop from Nephlyte's head and stuck it to Malachite.

"Ha!" Jadeite yelled, as Malachite tried to pull off the sweatdrop without success.

"No fair..." whined Malachite.

"I feel so powerful," Jadeite laughed.

"Let me see that," Zoisite said, trying to pull the sweatdrop off Malachite's head. She couldn't do it either. "Just calm down and it'll go away." Malachite sighed, and the sweatdrop disappeared.

"Does this mean you're speaking to me again?" he asked hopefully.

"For now, at least." Zoisite smiled, and the ice crystal vanished. Malachite smiled back, then raised his eyebrow at Jadeite and Nephlyte.

"This is our cue to leave, I think," Jadeite muttered to the brown-haired ex-general. He was concentrating hard--_I _won't_ get a sweatdrop, I _won't_ get a sweatdrop--_but sprouted a small one anyway. He stuck it into his pocket for later use.

"But we haven't written any songs yet," Nephlyte whined.

"C'mon Nephlyte," Jadeite groaned, dragging him out of the room. "I bet that Molly and Mina would love to go to the arcade with us right about now..."

"We've come up with a brilliant evil plan," Mellotron told Garth Brooks.

"Well, mosey on down and tell me about it!" Garth replied.

"We must kidnap Zoisite. Tomorrow. But tonight, we start the world tour. Everyone who comes to your concerts will become part of our army. When we battle the Sailor Scouts, they'll be fighting on our side!"

"That is one slammin' game plan, homie," Garth said, slapping Mellotron five. He cleared his throat and got a sweatdrop. "Uh...I mean, a truly ingenious plan, pardner..."

"So, man, did you teach yourself to play or what?" Darien said. Jake looked up blankly.

"Yeah, he did," Kate said. She usually did the talking for Jake. She was used to it by now. "Taught me, but I'm not nearly as good."

Jadeite, Nephlyte, Molly, and Mina entered the arcade. Nephlyte saw Jake with his guitar and immediately left his friend to head for him.

"Hey, man! You play guitar?" he said cheerfully.

"What?" Jake said, staring vacantly into the distance.

"Yeah, he does," Kate sighed.

"Can you play 'Bullet With Butterfly Wings'? It's my absolute favorite song."

"Of course!" This Jake said clearly, as if he was shocked that he would even wonder if Jake didn't know a song. He snarled, "The world is a vampire," and began playing.

Nephlyte was enraptured. This was exactly what he wanted to do. He envied anyone who could play an instrument. He even envied Jadeite his accordion, for a few seconds at least. Jake finished, and Nephlyte applauded. "D'you...d'you think you could teach me?" he asked.

"Maybe...any more requests?" Jake said, returning to being an airhead.

"Ooh...I've got one!" Jadeite said. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand!"

"You and yer oldies," Nephlyte muttered.

"The Beatles were the greatest band ever. Don't say anything bad about them, or I shall be forced to injure you." Jadeite stuck his sweatdrop to Nephlyte, who stuck out his tongue.

"Stop fighting," Mina said, as Jake began singing. It was amazing, how someone who had just done a great Billy Corgan could do an equally good Paul McCartney. Jadeite was getting into it, grooving to it a bit Austin-Powers-ish-ly. Mina began dancing with him. They looked kinda like a scene from Austin Powers, actually. Before he came back in the 90s.

"I can play this song on my accordion!" Jadeite said. Mina stopped dancing.

"Your WHAT?" she demanded. She got a sweatdrop, and Jadeite grabbed it, sticking it in his pocket to replace the one he stuck to Nephlyte.

"My accordion," he repeated.

"Oh. You'll have to play it for me sometime," she said, as if she was used to meeting guys who played the accordion.

"I'd love to, Mina!"

"He didn't even take a second look at me..." whined Klausite.

"I don't see why," Steveite replied. "You're very attractive."

"It's no use. He won't come unless I'm in trouble, and Queen Beryl won't let us do the same thing Malachite and Zoisite did!"

"Malachite and Zois--" Steveite snapped his fingers, and a lightbulb appeared over his head. "That's it! We'll disguise you as Zoisite, Tux's old rival!"

"Why do I always have to do the cross dressing?" complained Klausite.

"Because you handle it so well, darling. Let's get back to the Negaverse. Zoisite left behind some of her old uniforms, and your hair would look so lovely in a ponytail..."

Zoisite awoke to the sounds of an accordion in the next apartment. She was having such a nice dream about Trent Reznor, too...but the clock said it was already eleven, so she decided it was time to get up anyway. Malachite was nowhere to be seen, but there was a note on the table that said he'd gone shopping. She took a shower and ate breakfast (Malachite and Zoisite were both addicted to Lucky Charms) then realized that, though they had been living there for nearly a week, they had never gotten their mail.

Meanwhile, the author ran inside the apartment building, stuffed an envelope in Zoisite's mailbox, then dashed out before Zoisite came downstairs. She realized she had forgotten to allow for a very important plot development, and had to fix things the best she could.

Zoisite opened the mailbox. There wasn't much there--some advertisements, coupons, a bill from the theater for the window she'd destroyed, and an AOL disk. Zoisite had never heard of it, but reading the back she thought it looked really groovy. _It's too bad Malachite and I don't have a computer._

She smiled mysteriously. _Yet. _And she headed for her friendly neighborhood computer center.

  



	3. Chapter Three - The Wall

Part Three—The Wall

Klausite looked in the mirror. Steveite had done a good job--without close inspection, he really did look like Zoisite. Klausite's hair was a little bit redder, and his eyes were blue, but he was slight and her uniform fit him perfectly. Her boots had been too small--Klausite was always getting teased for his big feet--but Tux probably wouldn't notice his black sneakers.

"Good luck," Steveite said. "You have no idea of how I envy you."

"Probably how I'd feel if you were going after him. Don't worry, Steveite. I'm not going to trade you for anyone."

"I know how cute he is, Klausite. I'd be...tempted."

"Not nearly as cute as, say, Malachite--or you," Klausite replied. "Well, keep wishing me luck. I'm gonna need it." He disappeared. Steveite sighed. He wondered how Klausite had suddenly gotten this sense of responsibility. Maybe it was the new uniform.

Malachite wandered the aisles of a the friendly neighborhood department store, humming absently. He was looking for something nice to get Zoisite. Some new shoes perhaps? No, he didn't know her size, and she seemed very fond of her boots. His cart was already full of clothes for himself--all picked carefully to look good with his cape--and Zoisite would be mad if he didn't get her something. He looked at the t-shirts, and was tempted to get her one with Beavis and Butthead...considering her very good Beavis impersonation. But then again, Zoisite wouldn't wear it. He'd never realized how hard it would be to buy something for her until he actually tried.

He finally had an idea. He'd stop at a candy store and get her something there. He was about to leave when he heard a somewhat familiar voice.

"Hey, you're the guy with the nice hair!" said Kate. Today her hair was blue, but he recognised the eyebrow ring.

"Thanks," he said, running his fingers through the hair she was admiring.

"I looked all over for dye that color, but I couldn't find it." She dragged a dark-haired boy by the arm. "You're sure it's naturally like that?"

"You wanna see my baby pictures?" Malachite snapped. He pulled out his wallet, flipped past his credit cards, the picture of him and Zoisite, and his drivers license before finding the picture of himself as a baby. He showed it to Kate.

"You were a funny looking kid, y'know that?" she said, giggling. Malachite got a sweatdrop and put the wallet back in his pocket.

"I can't help it if I had the Beatle cut. It was cool, back one thousa--er, in the seventies."

"Seventies..." the boy began. "The Eagles, ABBA, Pink Floyd, the Bee Gees, Donna Summer, Wings, Queen..."

"That's enough, Jake," Kate said, getting a sweatdrop. "He'll go on for hours if you let him. All he knows is music, but he really knows music. Well, maybe I'll run into you later. Jake's gonna teach your friend Nephlyte guitar."

Malachite raised an eyebrow. "Good luck. I think it may take a miracle to teach him music. Hey, d'you know of any good candy stores?"

Garth Brooks perched atop a building, holding his hat on with one hand and balancing with the other. He was following Zoisite, waiting for an oppurtunity to capture her. She didn't even seem to notice she was being followed. Finally, Garth jumped off the building and in front of Zoisite.

"Hey!" she screeched. "You're not Tuxedo Mask!"

Garth laughed. "All the same, you're coming with me, to Mellotron's secret hideout." He took her around the waist and flew away, thinking, _this is almost too easy._

Meanwhile, Klausite was wondering who this guy was, where he was taking him, and what the hell was going on.

The real Zoisite was looking at computers. As soon as she figured out which one was the nicest, she memorized its location and walked to the other side of the store. Concentrating and pretending to look at camcorders, she teleported the computer to her apartment. She heard screams as the computer disappeared, and yawned nochalantly. She left the store casually as chaos Rayegned behind her.

The walk home was short, and she found the brand-new computer sitting on her desk. It took a while for her to figure it out, but she plugged it in and turned it on, then put in the AOL CD. She thought for a moment.

"Why am I using _America_ Online when this is Tokyo?" she wondered out loud.

The CD changed to Tokyo Online, and Zoisite shrugged. She tried to think of a screen name. Zoisite typed in her name, but it was taken. She tried Zoicite, and a bunch of other spellings, but they were all taken. This confused her slightly--she didn't think that so many people had her name. She typed in Malachite and got the same result. She decided on one of the odd spellings of Zoisite with a number after it, though she wasn't particularly happy about it.

She soon forgot about it, when she got the hang of the Internet.

Jadeite hadn't played the accordion in a while, but it came back to him pretty easily, and Mina looked impressed as he played "I Want to Hold Your Hand".

"I didn't think anyone could be good at the accordion, but somehow you've done it!" she said sweetly. Jadeite hugged her, but it was rather uncomfortable with the accordion between them.

"I'm not that good, really," he said.

"Of course you are," Mina replied. "I'm not usually an accordion fan, but you're very, very good at it."

"You think so?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

"That's nothing, compared to how I'm gonna play the guitar," Nephlyte said from across the room.

"Jimi Hendrix didn't learn in a day, Nephlyte," Jadeite sighed. "D'you think it's gonna come to you all at once? No way!"

"He was merely human," Nephlyte said. "And I played guitar in my past life, so it's gonna come back to me really easily."

Jadeite got a sweatdrop, which he added to his collection. "Whaddaya mean, your past life?"

"I called a psychic yesterday. She said that I'd find fortune and fame, meet my true love, and gave me the winning lottery ticket numbers, too. She also said that I should channel my past life as a guitarist to succeed."

"But Nephlyte, we don't have past lives! We've been around for over a thousand years!"

Nephlyte got a sweatdrop. "I want my money back," he muttered. "For two bucks a minute, that--"

"You called a 900 number on MY phone line?" gasped Jadeite. "How long were you on?"

"A half hour," Nephlyte replied defensively.

"That's sixty bucks! Sixty dollars that you're paying. What are you giggling at, Mina?" Jadeite asked all of a sudden.

"The both of you," she said. "It's just--so--" She burst out laughing. Jadeite got more sweatdrops for his collection. He knew he'd find a use for them some day...

Malachite sighed, hanging up the phone. It was still busy. He wondered if Zoisite had left it off the hook or something--he'd been trying for hours. And the way his luck with her was going, she'd probably be furious with him for being late...he gulped, remembering her threat. He was male and wanted to stay that way, and besides, an ice crystal sounded very painful...

But he had to face her sometime. He hoped the large box of candy would at least make her refrain from killing him. He started home, but by the time he got to the door he was afraid to go in.

It was strangely quiet. "Zoisite?" he called. "Zoisite, are you here?"

He heard a voice say, "You've got mail," but no reply from Zoisite. He put down his shopping bags and looked around the apartment.

"Zoisite, where are you?" He found her in front of a computer, staring zombie-like at the screen. She didn't even notice he was there. "Zoey..." He waved a hand in front of her face.

"Oh, hi Malachite," she said, without looking up. "I just found this really cool website, with a really great links page to all this stuff about us!"

"What?" Malachite said, getting a sweatdrop. "And where'd you get the computer?" Zoisite picked up the remote control and turned on the TV. There was a frenzied-looking employee being interviewed.

"It was weird, man. The computer was there one second, then gone...there, gone, there, gone, there, gone!" He got a silly grin on his face, and two men in white coats dragged him away.

"You stole it?"

"Whatever. I needed it more than they did. Hold on, I just got invited into a chatroom."

"A _what_?!?" Malachite said, confused. Zoisite stared at him as if he had just asked what a toilet was for.

"A chatroom," she said in a tone usually reserved for small children, "is a place online where people talk."

"What the hell d'you mean, online?"

Zoisite had complete forgotten that she had been just as clueless this morning. "You mean you don't know? You really don't know? You've never heard of the Internet?" She threw the disk at him, but he caught it before it hit him. "You are _so_ out of it."

"Zoisite, I've been trying to call you for hours! Is this what you've been doing?"

"I've only been on since...oh, noon."

"You've been on for five hours!" Malachite screamed and got a huge sweatdrop.

"I've been trying to design our website," Zoisite retorted. "But come here. You have got to see this page I found. It's really great!"

"I got you some candy, Zoisite," Malachite said, not sure what else he could say.

"That's nice, but you've gotta see this. The graphics are amazing!" Malachite looked over her shoulder and nodded.

"Yes. Wonderful. D'you want to go out to dinner?"

"You mean, get off the computer?"

"You can't spend your whole life in from of a screen, Zoisite," Malachite said in exasperation.

"Of course not. I'll get off in plenty of time to give birth."

Malachite gave serious consideration to jumping out the window. But then again, they were only on the second floor. What if it didn't kill him?

Serena crossed her arms and stared up at the sky. "About time you gave me a part," she said. "I am the star, you know. I'm Sailor Moon!"

Was she imagining things, or did the sky stick out its tongue at her?

Anyway, she started walking in search of Darien. She found him standing atop a lamppost, brushing his hair. "Hi, Darien!" she yelled cheerfully. Darien lost his balance, and his eyes got really huge as an exclamation point appeared over his head. He tumbled off the lamppost and got a sweatdrop.

"Oh no! Are you all right?" asked Ami, who just happened to walk up with the other Sailor Scouts.

"I'm okay," Darien said, standing up. Something beeped, and all five girls checked their Tamogotchis.

"It's mine!" Lita announced. The other girls put theirs away. People began running around screaming, and Darien raised an eyebrow. Then they heard it--the country music.

"My delicate yet infallible sense of wrong tells me that something is afoot," Darien said. Serena gave him a "No Shit, Sherlock" look and transformed into Sailor Moon.

"Who are you?" Klausite demanded.

"I'm Tiger Woods," Garth Brooks said. Then a whole bunch of kids appeared, holding golf clubs and saying, no, they were Tiger Woods. Garth shrugged. "Okay, okay, I'm Garth Brooks. Now shut up, Zoisite. I'm trying to write a ransom note."

"But I told you! I'm not Zoisite!" Klausite whined. He hated being tied to a chair, without anyone to help him. He was so scared he was ready to pee his pants.

"You expect me to believe you?"

"But I'm a man!"

"So you're the Japanese Zoisite. Whatever."

"BUT I DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE!" Klausite yelled, unfortunately, in Japanese. He'd forgotten the powers that came with being a general of the Negaverse.

"What?" Garth said, with a sweatdrop dripping from his head. "I didn't quite catch that."

"Ich spreche nicht Japanisch," Klausite muttered. (For those of you who may be confused, that's "I don't speak Japanese" in German.)

"Zoisite, watch your language," punned Garth.

"I'm trying!" Klausite snapped, in English this time. Then he lost control again. "Ihr Wurm hat meinen Hut gestohlen!"

"What did that one mean?" the country singer demanded.

Klausite tried to explain, he'd said "Your worm has stolen my hat," but it came out in Spanish, which confused things further.

"Why did there have to be so many versions of Sailor Moon?" muttered Garth. "I thought we were sticking to the American version!"

__

Malachite, deciding that he wasn't going to get much out of Zoisite, went to visit his neighbors. They looked up, to see that Malachite had a sweatdrop on his head that, had it been sentient, could have decimated Tokyo. Jadeite had to add it to his collection.

"Uh, Malachite, may I ask you something?" giggled Mina.

"Can I stop you?" The minty-haired man muttered.

"Do you wax your chest?"

Nephlyte and Jadeite burst into laughter. Nephlyte, rolling on the floor with tears streaming from his eyes, knocked over a plant. Malachite only got a tiny sweatdrop, which was understandable, considering how much he'd poured into the last one.

"No, I was born like that, OK?" Malachite cried.

"Well, I _know_ that! No one has hair on their chest at birth!" Mina giggled. Malachite's sweatdrop was growing. 

"Maybe," Jadeite laughed, "he uses . . . NAIR!!!" Malachite's sweatdrop covered half of his body. Jadeite frowned. That wouldn't fit in his pocket. 

"Or, he probably uses Zoisite's razors . . ." Nephlyte laughed. Malachite's sweatdrop was beginning to fill up the room. 

"Or maybe--" Mina started. The two ex-generals and Mina were rolling on the floor laughing. Malachite was trying to bat his way through the sweatdrop.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!!" Malachite yelled.

"DAMN! YOU CAN'T TERMINATE MY CONNECTION!!!" they heard Zoisite scream. She came in to the room with a hot face. Flames were burning around her.

"Zoisite, aren't you burning your baby?" Mina asked. Jadeite had told her about Zoisite's pregnancy.

"Some people just CAN'T keep their mouths shut, can they?" Zoisite screamed in Jadeite's direction. "Malachite, we NEED a faster modem! I can't play 'DOOM 68: Revenge of the Hellbent Death Guppies' without the fastest available!" Malachite's sweatdrop just got bigger. 

"Why me! Why do *I* get picked on! I am the most powerful general! You know, I'm not just a self-centered jerk! I have feelings, too! I care about more than my hair! I deserve a nice chance, too. Yet, you always make fun of ME! Zoisite always demands the world from ME! It's not fair!" Malachite whined and started crying like Serena.

"Wow, Malachite, I never knew you felt that way," Zoisite said. She paused. "Now about that modem . . ." Jadeite had to do something about the sweatdrop. He pulled out his Dirt Devil vacuum and turned it to the highest setting. He swept up the sweat along with a little carpet. Oh well, he'd always wanted a hardwood floor.

"Maybe we could go out to dinner first...?" Malachite asked hopefully.

"Yeah, but could we just drive through McDonalds or something? I told Zoi254 I'd get back to her in twenty minutes."

"Zoisite, you're an addict," Malachite said, shaking his head.

"Sure but can we hurry up? We could be halfway to the store by now!"

"Whatever you want, dear." Zoisite and Malachite were about to leave, when the strains of country music blasted everyone to the floor.


	4. Chapter Four - D'you Know What I Mean?

Part Four—D'you Know What I Mean?

Sailor Moon looked around for the source of the music, but it seemed to be coming from everywhere.

"STOP!" Sailor Mars yelled, shaking a fist at the air, but nothing happened.

"Hey, Sailor Mercury, can you check out what's causing this?" yelled Mina.

Sailor Mercury began typing rapidly, just to make the other scouts think she was actually doing something. The computer was really voice activated. "It's not coming from this planet!" she said. "I can't trace it!"

"Make it stop!" Darien whined, holding his hands over his ears.

"Jupiter Thunder..." Sailor Jupiter began, but Sailor Moon shook her head.

"Save your energy for when we know what's behind this!" she yelled. The music was getting louder and louder, and the scouts hair was beginning to blow back. Serena's pigtails whapped Raye and Mina, knocking them over.

"It's that stupid Mellotron, I can feel it!" Darien said, in a rare bout of sanity.

"What makes you think he's behind this?" asked Mina, getting up and rubbing the back of her head where it hit the sidewalk.

"Who's the villain in this fanfic?" asked Darien.

"Oh," Mina said.

"Hey, Mina, I thought you were at Jadeite's!" Raye said.

"I was, but I was needed in this scene, so I slipped out while no one was watching!"

"Just wanted to make sure you weren't in two places at once."

"Should we start singing? That's what beat them last time!" Ami wondered.

"But what can me sing?" wondered Lita.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom, let it be..." Darien began to sing. Raye slapped him.

"That's not the message we want to give them!" she yelled. "Hey, Jude...."

"Don't make it bad..." Lita joined in. The rest of the scouts joined in. Someone started waving a lighter. Darien jumped up onto the lamp post and began leading everyone.

"Na, na na, na-na-na na, na-na-na na, hey Jude..." Nephlyte sung.

"Uh...Nephlyte, everyone's stopped," Jadeite said.

"Shut up. At least I'm not the one who tried to accompany it on the accordion!"

"I can't help it if I don't know the song!"

"Well, I'm just glad it stopped," sighed Mina, who was back before anyone noticed she had left.

"Where'd Malachite and Zoisite go?" asked Jadeite, noticing that they were gone.

"To go get a modem, I guess," Mina replied. "I saw them driving away, about when we hit the third verse."

"I'm starting to notice a pattern," Nephlyte muttered. "We hear country music, we sing, and it goes away. Can't the author think of anything better?"

_*Oh, shut up, I'm trying.*_

"What the hell was that?" Nephlyte yelled, jumping up.

"I didn't hear anything," Jadeite said. Mina just shrugged.

"I must be hearing things. Hey, wanna go to the thrift store? I have a sudden urge to buy some polyester."

"Drat! Foiled again!" Mellotron yelled at Garth.

"Shouldn't that be, 'Curses! Foiled again'?" drawled the country singer.

"Ou est la salle du bain?" Klausite asked.

"It's drat! Real villains say drat!"

"I'm sure you're supposed to say curses!"

"Sil vous plait, _ou est la salle du bain?_" Klausite yelled.

"What?" Mellotron asked their captive.

"Hey, I thought we were sticking to English!" Garth yelled.

"Drat!"

"Curses!"

"Drat!"

"Curses!"

"I really gotta go..." whined Klaus.

"Shut up, Zoisite. You don't understand true villainy."

"FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME, I AM NOT ZOISITE!"

Malachite fell asleep to the clicking of Zoisite's keyboard, to find himself in a nightmare. In his dream, his child was a daughter, but she had pink pigtails, red eyes, and a much-too-sweet smile. You got cavities just by looking at her. "No…" he murmured in his sleep. He couldn't stand another Rini. She was just standing there, dressed in pink and holding a big swirled lollypop, looking up with a smile that was both sweet and sinister.

He woke up screaming.

"Could you keep it down?" Zoisite yelled. "I'm listening to..." Her eyes shut, and she collapsed onto the keyboard. Malachite looked at the clock. It was almost seven, and Zoisite had been online all night. He smiled, realizing she was fast asleep, and turned off the computer. Then the phone rang.

"Hi!" said the all-too-perky voice of Mina.

"What?" Malachite asked sleepily.

"I was just talking to Zoisite online. She says you're having a daughter, and I just wanted to congratulate you!" Malachite fainted. "Hello, Malachite? Are you there? Hello?"

Raye was a Sailor with a mission. This time, it wasn't someone trying to take over the world. Neither was it an evil plot to destroy the sailor scouts. No, it was far more important.

She was going to wash Chad's hair.

"You called a Sailor meeting for this?" whined Serena.

"You can see I'm gonna need help!" replied Raye.

"When was the last time you washed your hair, Chad?" asked Ami, helping Lita to unload the two bags full of shampoo and conditioner they'd bought for the occasion.

"Uh...I don't know. Bout a year or so back," he said. Raye put a towel around his shoulders and turned on the faucet.

"Okay, put your head under it...good boy," she said. Chad made a face as the water splashed over his head. "Okay. Mina, the Lemon Essence first...Mina?"

Mina was whispering to Serena. "So, Malachite and Zoisite are gonna have a baby girl? No way! This is too weird," Serena said loudly. Mina gave her a look, and Serena got a sweatdrop.

"You said you wouldn't tell anyone," Mina said.

"Uh...oops?"

Raye cleared her throat. "Oh, the shampoo," Mina said. She handed a bottle to Raye. Chad screamed as it touched his hair.

"Maybe if you actually washed your hair more you wouldn't be afraid of it!" Raye muttered, turning Chad's hair into a giant ball of foam. She gasped as her hands came away black with dirt. "Okay, and rinse again." After repeating this about twenty times, she finally allowed Chad to dry his hair. He stood there rubbing it with a towel, while everyone stared expectantly.

"Okay," he said, taking the towel away from his hair.

"It's clean!" gasped Ami. Everyone waited for Mina to gasp something, but she was playing with her Tamogotchi.

"It's nice!" gasped Serena, figuring she should take over.

"It looks just like my old boyfriend's!" gasped Lita.

"It's...blonde?!?"

Nephlyte wandered through the thrift store, picking up a white leisure suit. It was his size! It was a Sign! He was meant to buy this suit! He knew it!

Jadeite looked up as Nephlyte dashed into the changing room. He shrugged and kept looking at bellbottoms. He found a pair of black ones he liked and went to try them on, and waited patiently for Nephlyte to be done in the dressing room. He was humming the theme to Gilligan's Island when Nephlyte came out of the dressing room.

"Holy shite," Jadeite gasped.

"Well, what do you think?" Nephlyte asked impatiently.

"It's..." Jadeite paused, looking for a good word. "Unique," he said finally. For some reason, the song "Stayin' Alive" came to mind.

"Actually, I think I want to sew some sequins on it. It's too bland."

Jadeite's jaw dropped, and he got a sweatdrop. "Bland" was not the word he'd use to describe the effect Nephlyte gave him.

"And I've gotta check out the shoe department. It'll only look good with platforms."

"You're crazy!" Jadeite couldn't keep it in any longer. "You are a madman! Who are you trying to become, Elton John or Barry Gibb?"

Nephlyte started at him. "I suggest we call a band meeting."

"Y'mean, like a sailor meeting?"

"Yes, only more pointless."

Malachite came to, a new purpose in his head. Zoisite was still asleep, drooling on the keyboard, so Malachite slipped out silently, in search of the one thing that would make his mission complete.

Zoisite awoke and stared. She hadn't turned the computer off, had she? And where was Malachite? Bored and hungry, she looked for something to eat in the cupboard but all she found was a bag of little sticks, left behind by the last occupant of the apartment.

Incense. They'd left behind a burner, too, so all Zoisite had to do was light it by pointing at it. She watched the smoke, fascinated. It smelled nice, too. Like cinnamon. She was still sitting there staring when Malachite got back. She wouldn't even have noticed, except she heard the bonk as he ran into a wall, then the scream as he tripped over his cape. She looked up to see him replace his sunglasses...and stared.

He still had his cape, but he wore it over a white suit (not a leisure suit!) and his sunglasses were round. He looked like a green-haired John Lennon.

"Not used to wearing sunglasses, are you?" Zoisite asked.

"What makes you think that?" Malachite asked, with a really fake British accent.

"You obviously can't see." Then Nephlyte appeared, and both Zoisite and Malachite gasped.

He was wearing a white suit with sequins all around the seams, and platforms that were at least four inches high. Zoisite broke out of shock and began to giggle.

A few feet away, Jadeite appeared. He had his arms crossed and he didn't bother to put his sweatdrop in his pocket. The look on his face was a bit like, "Am I the only sane one here?"

Chad put his hands over his head and gasped. "Does it really look that bad?"

"No, it looks nice! Wait, let me get a brush." Raye began to brush Chad's hair.

"Why didn't you want us to know you were blond, Chad?" asked Ami.

"What? And be like Serena?"

"Like I'd want to be like you either," muttered Serena. "This is even more boring than talking about fighting the Negaverse!" she whined.

"I don't think that Klausite is worth worrying about," Lita said. "All he wants is to look at cute guys, not that I blame him..."

"But Mellotron is still active," Luna said. "And that country singer he has working for him."

"Sheesh, it's not like there's any shortage of evil in the world. Why do people become supervillians anyway?" wondered Mina.

"To do battle with superheroes," Ami replied.

"You must admit, all those mangas you read would be pretty dull without them," Raye said.

"All the mangas _I _read, miss president of the manga collectors fan club?"

"Only the Tokyo Chapter!"

Artemis decided to take over. "The former Negaverse Generals--can we trust them?" Mina glared at her cat. 

"How could anyone not trust Jadeite? With that wonderful hair...those lovely eyes..."

"Hey, you sound like me obsessing over my old boyfriend! Stop that!" Lita smacked Mina and continued to glare until something more interesting presented itself.

"CURSES!"

"DRAT!"

"CURSES!"

"DRAT!"

"Excuse me, but I really need...."

"CURSES!"

"DRAT!"

"We need a name for our band!" Nephlyte said.

"How about...uh...No Doubt?" suggested Zoisite.

"Taken," Malachite replied dryly, trying to look as cool as his new idol. If only Lennon wore a cape, he'd be perfect...

"Maybe...the Smashing Pumpkins?" Jadeite wondered.

"Taken."

"How about Pink Floyd?" Nephlyte suggested.

"Taken."

"Bananarama!" Zoisite cried, the weirdest thing she could think of.

"Taken."

"Uh...Hanson?" Jadeite suggested.

Malachite shuddered and shook his head.

"The Beetles! It's perfect!" Nephlyte cried triumphantly.

"Taken!"

"Well, what if we spelled it with an A?" Zoisite wondered. Both Malachite and Jadeite got sweatdrops. "Okay, what do you suggest, Malachite? Because this is wasting time I could be spending on the computer."

Malachite saw a perfect opportunity to get on Zoisite good side again. "I think we should call it Zoisite." He handed her a rose.

"Oh, Malachite, you're wonderful..." Malachite smiled. It was working! "...but the Internet is calling my name!" Zoisite ran to the computer.

"No way are we calling it Zoisite! What kind of stupid name is that?" Nephlyte said.

"Not half as stupid as Nephlyte!" Zoisite yelled from the computer.

"Shut up, Negascum!"

"Flattery will get you nowhere!" Zoisite laughed. Malachite got a sweatdrop.

"How the hell can she be my Yoko Ono when all she does is sit in front of a computer?" he whined. "And she's not artistic enough."

"Yeah, Zoisite couldn't draw a happy face without messing up!" Nephlyte laughed.

Malachite sighed. "I need a white grand piano..."


	5. Chapter Five - Take a Chance on Me

Part Five—Take a Chance on Me

Steveite stared out the window. It'd been a while since he'd heard from Klausite. Almost...he checked his calendar...five months. Huh. He sensed that something might've happened and went to report it to Queen Beryl.

His Queen was annoyed--her generals hadn't been too good at sewing, and her shirt that had once said _Negaverse_ now said _Neg ver_. Therefore, she set Steveite on the task of locating Klausite--not to mention the letters A, S, and E.

Zoisite and a smaller version of herself stood in front of Malachite, cackling evilly. They then began ordering him around, demanding Evian, better Internet access, and the little one wanted his cape. The world began to spin around him...

Malachite sat straight up in bed. Zoisite was still sitting in front of the computer--and looking rather awkward, I might add, considering that she was seven months pregnant. Yes, in a feeble attempt to advance a plot that was going nowhere, the author skipped five boring months to get to where the excitement started again.

He looked beside him, at the notebook where he was writing his songs. He had reached a blank--only so many words rhymed with Zoisite, and after using bright, light, night, fight, and sight, all that came to mind was termite, and he didn't think Zoisite would like that.

"You liked me better when I was a boy, didn't you?" Zoisite said out of nowhere.

_Why does the author always stick _me_ with the questions like that?_ Malachite wondered. "Of course not. I like you just the way you are."

"This survey here says they never should've turned me into a girl."

"Not much you can do about that, is there?"

Zoisite sighed. "I guess not." She stared at the screen in silence for a few moments. "Hey, I found a John Lennon shrine."

"Really?" Malachite jumped up and ran to look over her shoulder. He pushed her out of the seat and began scrolling through the page like he knew what he was doing. _Just as I thought. _Zoisite hid a sob. _He likes that Lennon guy more than he likes me..._.

"I still say it's curses," muttered Garth. "And there's no response to the ransom note I sent last week, same as the one before that, and the one before that, and the one before that, and the one before that, and…"

"We know what you're getting at, Mr. Brooks," Mellotron sneered. "And we don't understand either."

"It's because the real Zoisite is still with that hunkster Malachite!" Klausite yelled.

"That's quite enough out of you, Zoisite!" Mellotron yelled. "We don't exactly need you alive, y'know."

Klausite gulped.

"Yes we do. If we kill her, Malachite will have no reason not to do the same to us," Garth said.

"You idiot! You forget how powerful we have become! Three times as powerful as those miserable Spice Girls!" 

"Then why don't we attack the Sailor Scouts and forget about Malachite?"

Mellotron looked perplexed. In the months of trying to get a response from Malachite, this truly had not occurred to any of his personalities. Well, he'd better sound good...

"All righty then. We have a plan…"

Jadeite made a mental note not to go on any more double dates with Nephlyte and Molly. That Melvin kid had shown up--_again_--and thrown must of Jadeite's dinner at Molly's boyfriend. But then again, it had nearly ruined that awful suit he was always wearing, at least until he could get it dry cleaned. And his uniform looked really silly with platforms...

He sighed. Mina looked at him and sighed. Molly looked at them both and sighed. "Next to that suit of Nephlyte's, Melvin is starting to look attractive," she whispered to Mina. She began giggling, then laughing out loud, until milk sprayed out her nose.

"Mina, are you okay?" Jadeite asked hurriedly. Mina coughed.

"I'm fine," she said.

"Oh no! My guitar lesson!" Nephlyte jumped up and ran home. Melvin took his place at the table.

"Get lost, Melvin," Molly said.

Jadeite began drumming on the table with his fork and knife. A moment later, Mina caught on and began hitting the water glasses with her spoon. The result was a remarkable rendition of something that might have been the theme song of I Dream of Jeannie. Then again, it might've been something else. It was impossible to tell.

Molly applauded anyway.

Serena had never realized how boring five months of no Negaverse could be. She'd gone through so much chocolate that she was actually beginning to gain weight. This, of course, had the other scouts very nervous.

"I thought that we were anime characters! Our perfect bodies are part of the package!" Lita said.

"The Negaverse is gone. These sailor meetings are getting redundant," sighed Raye, looking out the window at a still-blond Chad.

"Quite honestly, the probability of an attack now is so slight as to not be considered," Ami said. Everyone else got sweatdrops.

"We have to be on guard," Luna insisted.

"Yeah, guys. We never did completely defeat them!" Mina said optimistically--it wasn't exactly an optimistic statement, but Mina could say anything cheerfully.

"Well, actually, by the end of the first season, all the members of the Negaverse were defeated," Serena said.

"Shh! Don't tell Jadeite that!" Mina said.

"Yeah, that's right! And I saw some of them die, too. What's going on?" wondered Raye.

"It's just an overused fanfic device, bringing back the Negaverse Generals/Dark Kingdom Kings," Ami said knowledgeably.

"Yeah, like in my favorite fanfic! The one where Malachite and Zoisite come back!" Serena said.

"Uh...which one?" wondered Lita.

"Y'know, the one where they do all the stuff and…you know..." Serena drifts off and Lita gets a sweatdrop.

Klausite was sad. Really sad. He had been locked in a bedroom. No cute guys. Garth and Mellotron didn't even come close to Malachite or Tuxedo Mask. Even Melvin was better looking than Garth. He was so bored that he began to do strange things.

"Bok, bok! Braaaaaaaak!! Hey! I'm a chicken!! BOK!!!!!!" He quickly sat down. Being locked in a room was getting to him. 

He turned on the small TV in the corner. Funny, it was shaped like an astronaut's helmet. 

"It's the Chicken Channel! All chicken, all the time!" a woman said. Klaus quickly changed the channel.

"It's the Pork Channel! All pork, all the time!" the same woman said. Klaus changed the channel again.

"It's the Turkey Channel! All turkey, all the time!" the same woman said.

"What GIVES?!?!?!" Klaus yelled.

"Go back to the Pork channel! We don't want to miss _All my Piglets_!!!" Mellotron cried, bursting in. This was Klausite's chance. He bolted out the door and transported back to the Negaverse.

"Malachite, you've been on there for hours," whined Zoisite.

"Now you know how I felt!" Malachite yelled.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Forgive and forget. Will you get off now?" She stood next to him, making one of those "could you say no to this face?" faces. Malachite didn't even look.

"Not yet," he said. "Just fifteen more minutes. I promise."

"That's what you said an hour ago."

"Why don't you go practice the drums?"

"The neighbors'll kill me!" They had talked Zoisite into learning the drums, but the last time she tried to practice, it took all four ex-generals to keep the other residents from destroying her drumset.

Zoisite leaned over Malachite's shoulder and got a sweatdrop. "What the hell is that? John Lennon in the nude? What kind of sites are you looking at?!?!"

"It's an album cover. And you're twice as attractive, love."

"Then why are you staring at him like that?" Finally, Malachite looked at her.

"You really don't like him, do you?" he said.

"You like that Lennon guy more than you like me..." she whimpered.

"No, I don't."

"Shut up! I know you're gonna leave me to go to England and find him and--" Malachite was laughing. "What?" Zoisite snapped.

"Um...for one thing, I'm pretty sure John was heterosexual. _Was_ being the operative word, Zoisite. He's been dead for nearly seventeen years."

"He has?" It took a moment to sink into her head. She'd prepared that whole speech about how he had no chance with a rock star for _nothing_?

"Yup. Mark David Chapman shot him outside the Dakota in New York on the night of December 8th, 1980. And even if he was still alive, he'd be with Yoko Ono, and I'd be with you. There's no question of that." He took a rose from his cape. "You know what you mean to me."

"Oh, Malachite, you're wonderful. Would you be wonderful enough to give me a turn on the computer?" Malachite got a sweatdrop and made a mental note to find a new florist. These roses were defective.

"Jake, whaddaya think?" asked Nephlyte, showing off his new guitar. He'd gotten into a temper about not being able to play "The House of the Rising Sun" just perfectly last week and blasted his first one.

"What?" Jake said, staring blankly at the wall.

"Never mind." Nephlyte got a sweatdrop, thinking he should've known better than to expect a coherent answer out of Jake. The guy was on more narcotic substances than a member of Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Nephlyte began fingerpicking "House of the Rising Sun" and was feeling very pleased with himself when Jake said out of nowhere, "I found a gig for you."

"Really?" squeaked Nephlyte. "I have got to get the band together for this." In a few moments, all four members were standing in Nephlyte's living room.

"Now what?" yawned Jadeite.

"Jake found a gig for us!"

All four ex-generals went off on a little fantasy trip about their first concert. Nephlyte saw flashing lights and a dance floor full of people in disco apparel, groovin' to the funky beat while he danced across the stage in tall platforms and a leisure suit. Jadeite saw himself in a collarless suit, playing his bass as hundreds of screaming girls tore their hair out and called his name. Malachite saw himself sitting at a white grand piano in a park, singing "Imagine" while the audience swayed and waved lighters. Zoisite saw a stage lit in psychedelic colors, and she played her drums while people moshed and crowdsurfed.

"Well, Jake? Where is it?" Jadeite asked.

"What?" Jake said.

"The gig, Jake? Where'd you get us a gig?" demanded Nephlyte, about ready to pull his hair out.

"What gig?"

"Ours, damnit!" Malachite growled.

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Here." He gave Nephlyte a flier, and the other generals looked over his shoulder as he read aloud.

"Crossroads Junior High back to school dance. Live music and free food. Bring a friend from another school. Tickets are $3.50 in advance, $4.50 at the door." They exchanged looks--Jadeite looked to Malachite, who looked to Nephlyte, who looked to Zoisite, who looked to Jake, who wasn't really looking at anything--and got a composite sweatdrop that obscured them long enough for the author to find another victim to write about.

"Rini, why are you just sitting there?" Darien asked.

"What do you mean, daddy?" Rini asked innocently.

"You aren't . . . all over me! Are you sick?" Darien felt Rini's forehead.

"Daddy, I'm fine! Mommy, what's wrong with dad?" 

"I think he's just in shock. You've changed, Rini! And I certainly don't mind! For once—" Serena was cut off.

"Serena! She's dying, that's why!! Wait . . . didn't we want her to die?" Darien asked.

"Yeah, I think we did . . . So, what do we do?" Serena asked.

"I don't know, Mommy, but why would _anyone_ want me to die?" Rini asked.

"NOOOOO! SHE'S A PERFECT ANGEL!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!!" Serena and Darien screamed. They fainted. Diana, who had been watching the whole time, got a sweatdrop. She hopped on Rini's head and they went outside.

Lita was doing her daily guy-scoping. She had a checklist. So far, 3,887 boys looked just like her old boyfriend, 3 only showed a slight resemblance. 

"How come I've had so many old boyfriends, but I never seem to have a new one?" Lita whimpered. Suddenly, it started to rain. Lita looked very sad. "When I think about the first time . . ." A guy came and held an umbrella over her head.

"How many times do I have to do this? GET YOUR OWN UMBRELLA!!" Ken cried.

"Ken, I never realized it! You look just like my old boyfriend! You're so dreamy . . ." Lita gazed at her "Rainy Day Man". 

"You're wearing out my umbrella. Maybe I should start sending my twin brother, Greg."

"You mean, Ami's boyfriend?" Lita is a little slow sometimes. 

"Maybe you should get a new umbrella!" Mina, who had been there the whole time, suggested. Lita got a sweatdrop.

"You're supposed to be the ditzy one, Mina!" Lita argued. Mina smirked. Meanwhile, it had stopped raining, and Ken took down his umbrella.

"Well, I suppose you won't be needing me anymore," Ken said.

"No, wait, Ken! Where are you going?"

"Nobody asks where Tux goes after he saves the Sailor Scouts! Goodbye!" Ken jumped, floated in midair for a moment, then vanished with a bit of Spanish guitar in the background.

  



	6. Chapter Six - To The Hop

Part 6~Let's Go to the Hop!

Darien was beginning to go a little berserk. He lay on his bed, tossing roses at the target on his door. He'd pinned a picture of Rini over the bull's eye and was launching roses right at her cute little nose.

"And I thought having to spend my future with Serena was bad enough..." he moaned.

"I heard that!" Serena said, jumping through his window. Little exclamation points appeared over Darien's head.

"Hey, jumping really high was my special thing! Then, before you know it, Zoisite's doing it, now all of the Sailor Scouts! What's next, Rini?"

"You called?" Rini asked, hopping in through the window. "Mommy! Daddy! Let's bake some cookies and have some valuable hours of family togetherness!"

Darien got a sweatdrop and snatched the picture of Rini off his dartboard. "Uh...anyone for a game of darts? I was just at the florist..."

"No, we've got bigger stuff to talk about," Serena began.

"Like what? Has the Negaverse returned? Do I get to dress up as Tuxedo Mask again? Please please please?"

Rini giggled. "Oh, Daddy, you're so silly!"

Serena gritted her teeth. "_No,_ like who's going to take me to Homecoming at Crossroads?"

"Ooh, you're going on a date? That's so romantic!" Rini began. Serena clapped a hand over the little nuisance's mouth.

"Uh...of course I'll take you, Serena," Darien said. _Do I have a choice? _he thought.

"Good! I've got the perfect dress picked out and it's gonna be soooooo romantic..."

"Oh my god, Zoisite, is that you? You're...huge!" Lita said upon running into the ex-villain. Lita is not exactly known for her tact.

"Lita," Mina hissed. "It's not like she can help it!" Zoisite pouted, and Malachite petted her head. "So, um, when's the baby due?" Mina asked.

"Not soon enough," groaned Zoisite. 

"You look fine, dear," Malachite said. "So, what brings you girls to the mall?"

"We're looking for homecoming dresses!" Lita said. "I found the prettiest short green one! It's sparkly and it has sequined straps and a black bow and..."

"It's hideous, Lita! What the heck were you thinking?" Mina replied. "The orange one was so much lovelier, with the silver trim and no sleeves!" The girls got into an argument, and sweatdrops appeared over the ex-fiends' heads. They walked away.

"So, what do you think of Kunzite as a name for our daughter? The name sounds strangely familiar, though I can't place it..." Malachite said.

"That's a boy's name, silly!" Zoisite replied.

"We should think of something, dear. You're due in less than a month."

"That long?" Zoisite whined.

"For the love of Pete, where is Zoisite?!?!?!" Mellotron screamed. He stormed about the room, fuming. Not only had _All My Piglets_ been a rerun, his hostage had disappeared! 

"That gosh-durned Malachite must have come'n took 'er while you were watchin' TV," drawled Garth.

"This is it! The last straw! The final trick! The end of the charade! No more Mr. Nice Guys!" Mellotron began jumping up and down. "Come along Garth, we must finish this once and for all! This shall be the end of the Sailor Scouts, those durn Whatever-ite people, and good music forever!" His insane laugher was broken off suddenly. "But it can wait until _As the Rotisserie Chicken Turns_ is over." He then sat down and stared at the TV screen.

Jadeite was sitting on his bed playing a wild accordion solo when Nephlyte came home. When he saw that the other general was home, Jadeite stopped.

"Play that funky music, white boy! Don't let me stop you!" Nephlyte said. "Let the music play."

Jadeite played a few bars of YMCA, then went back to his favorite, the early Beatles.

"Oh, come on, Jed, the Beatles are so unhip. You can't groove to their funky tunes, y'know? How about some Donna Summer? Or the Bee Gees? Or even ABBA?"

Jed continued "Love Me Do", ignoring Nephlyte's comments.

"Are Beatles songs all you know?" Nephlyte cried in disgust.

"Well, I have been working on something new… get your guitar, Nephlyte."

"Okay…" his roommate replied slowly, getting out his guitar.

"Blues in C," Jadeite prompted.

"Huh?" Nephlyte replied.

"You've been taking guitar lessons for how long, and you still don't know a blues pattern?"

"Oh, come on, that went out with the sixties. Disco is what's really in the groove," Nephlyte argued.

Jadeite got a sweatdrop, then pocketed it for later use. _Oh come on,_ he thought. _The Beatles may be old, but at least _they're_ really making a comeback. But who wants to listen to the Bee Gees?_

"Get with the times, blondie!" Nephlyte announced. "Blondie! That's another band you could play!" He sang a little of Heart of Glass. "You dig OK?"

"With pants as tight as that, it's no wonder you can sing that high," Jadeite sneered. He went back to that same wild accordion solo.

"These are loose, compared to the ones I bought today at a garage sale!" Nephlyte said, holding up a bag full of clothes. "And I got some stellar 8-tracks, too!"

Jadeite ignored Nephlyte's ravings. "Y'know, I think I'm gonna play this at the dance."

"Oh come on, Jadeite, the Beatles are so lame. All the happenin' chicks and dudes know where the groove is."

"Oh yeah? Then why didn't they use some of all that extra fabric in their bellbottoms to loosen the rest of their pants?"

The two generals were staring into each other's faces, growling, when Zoisite and Malachite came in.

"Down boys, down!" Zoisite shouted. Both Jadeite and Nephlyte stopped growling, and gaped at her.

"Zoisite, you're--" began Jadeite. Her dark glare stopped him mid-sentence. "Ah, healthy baby you've got there. Big and … _healthy_."

"If she doesn't get out of there soon, I'm going to lose my mind," Zoisite glowered. But her expression changed instantly. "Oh, she's kicking! Isn't that neat? You want to feel her kick?"

"Maybe some other time, Zoisite," Nephlyte said. Jadeite and Malachite nodded their emphatic agreement.

"Do you have a date for the big dance yet?" Serena asked Ami and Rei. Both shook their heads. "Well, I do! I'm going with Dari-chan!"

There was a moment's pause.

"Hey Serena, what does 'chan' mean?" Raye asked.

"I don't know! Don't ask me, it's just one of those Chinese things."

"Chinese?" Ami cried. "Come on, it's Japanese! For a Japanese character, you certainly have no respect for your land of origin!"

"Speak English, Ami!" Serena cried. Ami got a sweatdrop.

"I was speaking English!" she shouted. All of a sudden, her aura was filled with fire. "I am so sick of you," she said icily. "You can be so stupid sometimes, both of you! Why does Serena have to be the leader, when she's dumber than an ox and has less common sense than a broomstick? I'm smarter than all the other scouts put together, with room to spare! But no one appreciates me! The strongest weapon is that of intelligence, which the four of you lack _completely_! And I'd like to see you try to even use a computer! You'd probably just gawk at it in its superiority to anything your Stone Age minds could comprehend. You're a bunch of vacant, boy-crazy idiots, and you're lucky that I stoop so low to actually associate with your inferior beings!"

"Point being…?" wondered Serena.

"Nothing," Ami sighed, returning to her normal, placid self. "Never mind."

"Okay, we'll forget it ever happened," Raye said, patting Ami on the back.

"So anyway, want me to help you find a date?" asked Serena.

"I think I can catch a boy myself," Raye said, marching off haughtily.

"Ami?"

"I don't think I should go. I'll get behind on my studies…"

"Oh, come on, Ames! You're already six chapters ahead!" Serena whined.

"Yes, but I feel more comfortable if I'm ten chapters ahead . . ." Serena got a sweatdrop.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Mellotron gasped. "We've come up with a brilliant plan!"

"Dear me, not again," Garth replied.

"Shush and hear us out, Garth," Mellotron snapped. "There's going to be a dance at a Junior High school, and the band playing is the former Negaverse Generals! Wherever they are, the Sailor Scouts are!" He whispered the rest into Garth's ear.

"So, what you're saying is, we crash their little party?" Garth asked. Mellotron nodded, then threw his head back in a malevolent laugh.

"This is the end of good music forever!" he cried.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Steveite gasped. "I've come up with a brilliant plan!"

"Dear me, not again," Queen Beryl replied.

"Shush and hear me out, my queen," Steveite snapped. "Your former Generals have formed a band, and they're playing at a dance at a local Junior High. Wherever they are, the Sailor Scouts are!"

"So, what you're saying is, we crash their little party?" Queen Beryl asked. Steveite nodded enthusiastically, but Klausite didn't look so sure.

"Kill Malachite? But he's so _cute_!" he cried.

"Well, we don't have to kill Malachite, if you want him so badly—but the Sailor Scouts and the rest of those treacherous Generals are history!" Steveite threw his head back in a malevolent laugh.

Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion of _The Negaverse Strikes Back!_


	7. Chapter Seven - Battle of the Band

Part 7 Battle of the Band!

"Are you getting jittery, Nephlyte?" Jadeite asked, putting a hand on the shoulder of the fellow ex-general. He jumped.

"No, not at all," Nephlyte replied, his teeth chattering.

"How do I look, Mina?" Jadeite asked his girlfriend. She giggled, taking in his collarless suit and new Beatle cut.

"Absolutely adorable," she told him, kissing his cheek. Jadeite looked like he was about to melt.

"Oh, cut it out, you two!" Nephlyte shouted. "M...M...Molly?"

Molly strode into the backstage area. "I just wanted to check on everything."

"Molly, how do I look?"

"The Bee Gees would be jealous. How long did it take you to squeeze into those pants, Nephlyte?"

"Do you need any help getting that drumset set up, sweetikins? You look tired," Malachite told his wife. All of a sudden Zoisite was in his face.

"Tired does not even begin to describe the way I feel!" she screamed. "You try carrying around 10 pounds of kicking 'fun' on your stomach and see how energetic _you _are!"

Malachite winced. "I'll be right there to help you, Zoey-chan."

"Hey...guys!" Jake didn't look quite as spaced out as usual as he ducked through the curtains onto the stage. "Yo, the kids are showing up! It's about time to get this show on the road!"

"I...ah...don't think we're quite ready yet," Nephlyte replied, as he and Mina attempted to rescue Jadeite from the tangle of cords he'd managed to find his way into.

"Huh? Ready for what?" Jake said, looking around. The entire Negaverse band got sweatdrops, and Kate appeared to drag her brother away, whispering soothingly. Her hair was pink today.

"Oh, Darien, this dance is going to be absolutely wonderful!" Serena gushed, clinging to her boyfriend's arm. She was wearing a pink party dress with enough frills and ruffles to scare away Rini. Well, maybe not that bad....

"Uh...yeah," Darien replied. He was dressed in his tux, but without mask, cape, or hat--he'd considered wearing the mask, but he'd already been seen with Serena enough that there was no point in hiding his identity anymore. But one good thing about being Tuxedo Mask was that he never needed to go shopping for formal wear.

The two of them stepped out of Darien's car, followed by the debonair pair of Greg and Ami. Greg's surprise return to make his second cameo in this story was enough to make Ami relent and attend the dance, and she looked quite pretty in a long, silky blue dress that came to her ankles, with a slit up the side.

"It was really very nice of you to give us a ride to the dance, Darien," Ami said politely.

"Hey, no problem," Darien said with an uncomfortable smile, his hand behind his head. _I'm the only one of Serena's friends with a driver's license...hey, why not make me the official chauffeur of the Sailor Scouts?_ Next out of the car were Lita and Ken. Lita was wearing the green dress she had admired at the mall, and Ken wore a dress shirt and tie with a pair of khakis, and carried something in his right hand.

"The weather is perfect. Why are you carrying an umbrella?" Lita wondered.

"If there's one thing you've taught me, Lita, it's that one must always be prepared," Ken replied, rolling his eyes a bit. Lita giggled.

"Oh, Ken, you're so romantic!"

"Hey, you finally made it!" Mina ran out to meet them. She hobbled a bit in the narrow skirt of her long orange dress, and the spike heels she wore didn't look very comfortable either, but she was still grinning with a cheerfulness that only Mina could accomplish. "You all look very nice--Lita, that dress is even passable on you." A hint of iciness crept into her voice, but she banished it quickly. Lita rolled her eyes.

"Why are you here so early?" wondered Serena.

"I've been doing stage crew." She winked. "I hope you're all ready for the concert of the century!"

Darien winced. "If it's anything like the practicing of the century, I think I'd better just go home now."

"Has anyone seen Raye?" Ami asked. "I thought she was coming..."

"I'm sure she'll be here soon," Lita replied, looking around. "Oh well, let's get in while the refreshments are hot!"

"FOOD!" Serena dashed in, dragging Darien behind her.

Little do they know they are being watched, by, not one, but _two _malignant forces!

"Oh, Steveite, this is going to be such a magical night. Look at all the stars--the crescent moon--not a cloud in sight." Klausite sighed in bliss. "It's wonderful."

"Don't forget we're here on business," Steveite replied. "Let's just get this done with quick, and we'll have time for a date after." He winked, and Klausite smiled back.

"Yeah. But where could those sailors be? The only people here are junior high school students," he said. Steveite let out an exasperated sigh.

"Did it ever occur to you, my dear Klausite, that Sailor Moon and her pals just might actually _be_ junior high school students?"

The blank look on Klausite's face was answer enough.

In another shadowy corner, Mellotron and Garth waited. "We hope that you've set up everything correctly," Mellotron said.

"Everything's ready to go," Garth replied. "A flip of this here switch," he said, indicating a switch on an amp that was connected to his guitar, "and we override the school's speaker system with waves of Nega-energy! Those Sailor Scouts won't know what hit 'em!" Before the two villains could indulge in too much maniacal laughter, though, they were interrupted by the sound of screeching tires, as a black sports car swerved into the parking lot. A dead silence fell over the school.

"To protect the world from devastation," a voice said out of nowhere. "Whoops! Wrong intro."

The doors of the car opened and shut, and two figures stepped out, the darkness hiding their identities, other than that one was considerably taller than the other, and one seemed to be male, and the other female, if their voices were any indication. They stepped in front of the headlights, as if they were spotlights, and struck silhouetted poses. In the distance, someone giggled.

The smaller of the two shot this person a glare, and shook her long black hair back over her shoulder. The taller looked at the shorter over his sunglasses, and the shorter gave a nod.

"You're ready?" she asked.

The taller one laughed. "The question is, is Crossroads Junior high ready for _us_?!"

And then all the lights in the parking lot came on, spoiling the effect. Rei and the still-blond Chad stood there, grinning a bit sheepishly. They were both dressed in black, with sunglasses, and looked like they had walked right out of a movie.

"Are you protecting us from the scum of the universe?" someone wondered.

"Hey! Ami and Greg have disappeared!" Lita announced.

Mina grinned and winked. "Those two!"

"Let's go in," Rei muttered, dragging Chad and looking rather upset after her plans had been foiled. _After all that rehearsing…_

Inside the school gym the former generals seemed to finally be getting their act together. Jadeite plugged in the final microphone and grinned. "Testing," he said. "John, Paul, George, Ringo. Testing."

"Does he have to do the cheesy accent?" Zoisite muttered to Malachite.

"Whaddaya mean, cheesy?" Malachite replied with a British accent that was even worse than Jed's. Zoisite clapped a hand to her forehead—and felt her baby moving. It seemed to be feeling strange today…

"Hey, you're a great crowd." All of a sudden, Jadeite's feet were surrounded by screaming adolescent girls. He grinned—then saw the look Mina had aimed at him, and gulped. "Um…Are you all ready to dance?"

He was met by resounding applause and more shrieks from the girls around him.

"We love you, Jed!" someone yelled. Another girl swooned, and they poured punch on her head to revive her.

"Um….Zoisite?" Jadeite blushed and looked back to the drummer. She nodded.

"A one, two, one two three four!" she counted with her drumsticks, then started playing.

[Hear [Battle of the Band][1]]

She started with an Eastern, Indian-type song, but Nephlyte soon tired of it. "What this dance needs is some real music!" he shouted, and started some disco. The dancers all looked at each other strangely after this abrupt change of beat, but soon caught on.

"Disco's not what they need! We need some good old-fashioned Rock'n'Roll!" He struck up a more Beatly beat, playing his accordion like a madman. Malachite kicked the cord from his amp and played some chords on his piano. It sounded like "Imagine" at first, but went beyond that. The room fell silent, listening to him.

After he'd played through it once, Zoisite joined in, then Nephlyte, and finally Jadeite, singing because his amp was unplugged. He wiped a tear from his eye when it was done.

"Malachite, that was beautiful," Jed said.

Then the amps gave off a loud blast.

"Did you do that?" Nephlyte said, looking accusingly at Zoisite. She shook her head and shrugged.

Then the screaming began. Rei groaned. "Looks like we've got company!" she cried out. 

Garth and Mellotron ran in one door, wearing big fuzzy earmuffs to protect themselves from the evil music. Klausite and Steveite came in another door, with some big weapon-type thing they both had to carry.

"How was this thingie supposed to work again?" Steveite asked.

"What? I thought you knew!" Klausite shouted back.

"We're surrounded!" Mina shrieked.

"Scouts, transform!" Serena shouted. "Moon Prism Power!"

"Mars Power!"

"Jupiter Power!"

"Venus Power!"

"Where's Sailor Mercury?" wondered Sailor Moon.

"She's still gone somewhere with Greg," replied Sailor Jupiter.

"Well, we'll just have to fight without her. Stand back, nega-trash, cause the Sailor Scouts are here!" Sailor Moon announced.

"So glad you girls could make it," Mellotron replied. "But don't even bother trying. We're much too powerful for you!"

"Yeah right!" Sailor Mars replied. "Try this on for size! Mars fire ignite!"

The fire stopped just inches away from Mellotron and Garth. "Why did it stop?" Mars gasped.

"The wall of sound is too powerful for your crummy fire!" Garth drawled.

"I'll take care of the rest of the negatrash!" Sailor Venus replied. "Venus crescent beam smash!" It went straight for Klausite and Steveite.

"I'll finish 'em off!" Jupiter said.

"No, wait!" Klausite replied. "Just listen to me for a minute. I've been thinking…Steveite and I never really functioned all that well as enemies anyway. We'd be much happier on a date than causing you trouble, and I don't feel like being blown away, so, well, Steveite?"

"Live and let live?" Steveite finished.

"Sounds good to me, honey." They ran. "I know a really good restaurant…."

The scouts exchanged looks.

Malachite looked to Nephlyte. "Power chords?"

"Smooth groove, Malachite!" He struck a chord on the guitar that made the evil music wane, but only for a moment. It came back stronger than before. "Any more bright ideas?"

"Everyone! We need to sing!" Jadeite announced. "Um….but what?"

Who first started belting it out we'll never know for sure, but it sounded an awful lot like Darien. "In the town where I was born lived a man who went to sea. And he told us of his life in a Yellow Submarine!"

"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE…" The walls shook with its strains, until the evil amps exploded.

"You're not singing, Zoisite!" scolded Jed.

"That's because I'm going into labor, dumbass!" she screamed back. Malachite gasped, swept her up, and they rushed to the hospital.

"We all live in a yellow submarine yellow submarine…." Mellotron and Garth sang, their faces blank.

"Woo, all that singing made me thirsty. And I think that Chad spiked the punch," announced Darien. Chad grinned and kicked a bottle under the refreshments table. "I'm going out to the drinking fountain."

He walked out into the hallway and saw…

"Ami and Greg!"

They grinned sheepishly. "We simply had to keep up with our studies," Ami said without apology, not looking up from the book she was reading. "Did something happen in there?"

__

Epilogue

"Congratulations, Malachite. You're a father." The doctor shook his hand. "Been enjoying our free coffee, I see."

Malachite nodded, his teeth chattering. "V-v-very m-m-much, th-thank you."

"Would you like to see your little girl?"

"Y-y-yes." He followed the doctor into the delivery room, where a radiant and exhausted-looking Zoisite cradled something wrapped in a blanket in her arms. 

"Isn't she adorable?" she asked. "Do you want to hold her?"

"She won't break or anything?" he asked as the baby was laid in his arms. The blanket fell away from her hair to reveal a covering of mint-green curls. "Green hair! Yes!"

"Honey, look." Zoisite pointed to the baby's ears.

"She's got ears! Wow!"

"No, you see…" She showed him the two little spots of gold hair, each right above one of her ears, perfectly placed to be worn like Zoisite's.

"Oh, no…"

"What will we call her?" Zoisite asked.

"What about Dacite?" Malachite suggested.

"Dacite. I like it." Zoisite smiled, and Dacite yawned and opened green eyes.

"Dacite…" Malachite repeated softly. "Dacite, you are going to lead an interesting life, indeed!"

****

The End

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/johannaseele/negalong.mid



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